


Of Farms, Grilled Cheese and Other Bits

by Shejo



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Blupjeans Week, Canon Trans Character, F/M, Gen, M/M, everyone will show up eventually I think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:12:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shejo/pseuds/Shejo
Summary: It started with a ship, bound for the stars. It continues with their lives -- the lives of Barry Bluejeans-Taaco and Lup Taaco-Bluejeans





	1. Day 1 -- Aftermath, or Deep in the Heart of Fantasy Texas

**Author's Note:**

> Starting with Day 2 of Blupjeans week since Day 1 is still in progress. I'll reorder them when I'm all caught up. This based on a long-running bit my gf and I do when we discuss blupjeans.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the years after Story and Song, Barry and Lup find that it's time to start living the dream they always had for themselves on board the Starblaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 1 is super late, but I've never been good at interior descriptors so this was a BIG challenge, but I liked it! Tomorrow will be my catch up day for days 3 and 4. The part of Barry and Lup's real estate agent is played by my DnD character Maylene.

"This is a five-bedroom, three-and-a-half-bath," the real estate agent, Maylene, begins as she fumbles with the keys to a large oak door with a design that Barry definitely pins as Druidic in nature. She's pretty perky for an Elf, and he would know—he's married to one of the top three most energetic Elves in all the planes!

"It's ranch-style just like you specified," she says.

"Is there a barn?" Lup asks from beside Barry. She's practically vibrating with excitement.

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Bluejeans—"

"Taaco-Bluejeans," Lup corrects. Not that she really cares. She just likes to get her jabs in where she can.

"Of course! My apologies."

Lup gives Barry a wink before the agent speaks again. "There's about 3000 acres," Maylene says. "But we'll get to that."

The door swings open and Lup gasps, eyes bright. Barry can tell she'd sign the paperwork right now if she could, and by extension so would he if it made her happy. He's got to admit that he's impressed, but he's always been good at holding these sorts of things close to the vest.

The interior is dark wood and has an ambiance not unlike a hunting lodge minus the kitsch. There's a polished shine from floor to rafters the gleams from the reflected light of a simply adorned chandelier.

"This is the main living area," Maylene says with a grin. "Plenty of space for entertaining. I remember you saying that was a deal-breaker.  There's also a den for a cozier feel, though, how can you beat that view hm?" She gestures toward the back of the house where the doors and windows are wide and single-paned for more natural light. Barry likes that a lot.

Maylene guides them through to the den. It would be nice for an entertainment system and some recliners, Barry thinks.

There's two bedrooms downstairs just beyond the right of the larger living area with an adjoining bathroom. Lup wraps her arms around Barry's, gives him a smile, and he knows exactly what she wants to say—

"Now I know you don't have any children now," Maylene begins. "But these might be great for a budding family."

"Darling, you read my mind," Lup says.

"The bathroom fixtures are all pretty universal through the house. Dark wood, marble tops and bronze. There's a washroom off the kitchen for anyone coming in from the yard."

The agent continues on as she demonstrates and opens cabinets. She lets Barry ask about the pipes and about water tests. He has to hand it to her, she takes each question in stride even though he knows he's being a curmudgeon.

The upstairs contains the last three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The master bedroom is open with a nice square footage for all the accoutrement he knows Lup is going to want to cram in there. She might not be as high-maintenance as Taako, but she likes her share of luxury.

"Probably needs a rug," Lup says. Most of the house is hardwood flooring, and the master bedroom is no exception.

"If you prefer carpet, I'm sure I could get you some quotes," Maylene says.

Lup smirks. "I like the hardwood. . ."

She leans over to Barry now. "Might be hard on your knees there, though, big boy."

Barry bites back a laugh and tries to hide his blush. "A, uh, rug might be nice. Décor and all that stuff, y'know."

Maylene, thankfully, is either oblivious to the joke or would rather not acknowledge it. "Perhaps we should take a look at the yard now?" she asks.

"What about the kitchen?" Barry knows that's what Lup really wants to see.

"I'm saving the best for last, Mr. Bluejeans—"

"Bluejeans-Taaco."

"Oh-uh. . .of course!"

Lup has to hold back her snort of laughter then. Barry can play the game too.

They are led back down the stairs and through the main living room. Maylene ushers them past the open layout with haste so as not to let them catch a glimpse of the kitchen.

The patio overlooks a gravel path that leads to a large indoor barn ahead of them. Gated paddocks sit to the right for grazing and there's still more open field behind the stables.

"Now, the property line does end just a little ways out," Maylene says. "But I know there's a plot just to the north that the owner may want to unload sometime in the future if you'd like to expand."

The path crunches beneath them as they head into the stables. Barry always said he'd like to have horses again, and this looks like just the right start he needs.

It smells of leather and dust and horse flesh. It's divine to Barry.

His hand reaches out to run across a metal accent on a stall door. "I think I'd put some piping along these," he says. "The wood is nice. It'd be a shame if a cribbing horse fucked it up."

Maylene smiles. "Your wife said you knew horses. There's a very large tack and feed room on the other end. And an office."

"Is there any connection to the well? Like if I wanted to put in a bathroom for washing up?"

"I'd have to ask, but I'm sure there is. There's wash racks on the back end for the animals."

Barry nods with approval as he shakes stall doors and checks locking mechanisms. He's got a lot of plans for a place like this. Enchanted watering buckets, hayracks, shutters for when the bad storms come, the works. Everything the simple stable he and his mother kept had and more. She'd love it here.

"The kitchen?" Lup asks after she sees Barry is satisfied with his inspection of the grounds. That's the real deal-breaker here.

Maylene grins. "I think you'll like this one, folks," she says as she opens the back door and leads them back inside.

Lup is speechless as she takes in the sight of pristine, granite counter tops and sleek high-end appliances. She's immediately opening doors and examining their contents. The refrigerator, they find, is disguised as a pantry. She fawns over the industrial-sized sink with a retractable faucet.

Barry smiles as she pulls open a draw that's to be their freezer. A kid on Candlenights.

"So," Maylene begins as she clutches to her paperwork with the hope that they'll sign right then and there. "What do we think?"

Barry and Lup look at one another. He thinks he already knows their answer, but Barry asks, "Can I get a moment with my wife?"

"Certainly!" she says with a shuffle toward the patio. "For what it's worth, I could really see you two here."

Barry blushes at. She's just trying to sell a house.

"Can _you_ see us here?" Lup asks when the agent is gone.

Barry nods. "Can _you_?"

"Taako's gonna love the kitchen. . .After he rails into me about moving to the middle of nowhere."

Barry slides his hand across the island countertop to lace his fingers with hers. This will be an adjustment from the close quarters they lived in for a century, and a far cry from an umbrella or a cave. But with all the others moving on—Davenport jetsets, Merle teaches, Lucretia leads and inspires—a change seems inevitable.

"You know your brother is always welcome here," Barry says. "The rest of the family too." Shit, Barry's not keen on this either, but it's time for them to rest.

"Yeah, duh. That's why we had to have at least a three-bedroom so he could have one." Her arms are crossed. Pensive. "I'll miss them."

Barry hums his agreement and there's a long silence.

"This is the dream," Lup says. "How can I say no to the dream?"

"The dream can always change, babe. It's always been you jump, I jump. I'm not signin' anything unless you're on board."

His wife takes a deep breath as though she's about to leap from a cliff into a crashing sea. "Maylene!" Lup calls.

The Elf pokes her head in from beyond the back door. "Yes, Mrs. Taaco-Bluejeans?"

"We'll take it."

 


	2. Day 2 -- Family Interactions, or Grill Me a Cheese Daddy-o

"Grill cheese!" The boy says as he throws his hands in the air from his seat at the counter.

"What do you say?" Barry asks him back.

"Peas," which his father interprets as "please." So, he sets to work gathering the bread, butter, and slices of Fantasy Kraft's Singles.

Barry Bluejeans is a master of grilled cheese sandwiches—a skilled passed down from his mother's sack lunches and honed over late nights in the lab.

"Can I get one of those too, Bear?" Lup calls out from the couch that she occupies with Taako and Kravitz. Lup's considering new drapery in the den and she needs _opinions._

"Sure thing—"

"And can I get some bacon on it?"

There's a few beats of silence. A butter knife is poised over the slices of bread that are laid out. "That's not a grilled cheese," Barry says.

"Oh, here we go—"

If there's another thing Barry is a stickler for— _ahem, master of_ —it's nomenclature. "A grilled cheese is two slices of buttered bread, cheese in the middle and cooked in a pan."

Lup groans and he knows she's mimicking him as he says, "What you are describing, is uh, is a 'melt,' which I will happily make you. It just won't be a grilled cheese."

"Grill cheese!" the boy says again.

"That's right, Lil Barry," Lup says. "It's a grilled cheese with _bacon_. Grilled cheese! With bacon! Grilled cheese with bacon!"

She stands now with a fist pumped in the air and now Lil Barry joins in a chorus of: "Grill cheese! With bacon!"

It's now Kravitz's turn to interject. How could he realize this is an argument a century in the making, one born on the very early cycles on the Starblaster. "I don't really see a difference either," he says.

An audible, incredulous gasp is heard as Taako scrambles from the sofa and away from his boyfriend. "You bite your tongue!" he says. "I expect that kind of talk from the woman who once ate Fantasy Doritos dipped in whipped cream and the gremlin she's raised, but _you_ Kravvy?"

There's almost a _WOOSH_ when Taako turns to stomp toward the kitchen where Barry is eye-level with his son now.

"Lil Barry, look at daddy. Listen to me son—"

"Yes, yes! Listen to your denim-clad father's voice of reason!" Taako's in full theatrics now. "Your culinary future is at stake!"

Lup rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

Barry continues, "You want cheese on your sandwich?"

The boy nods.

"You want bacon on it?"

He nods again and little wispy, brown curls bounce with the force of his adamancy.

"Well, that's called a 'melt.' Do you want a melt?"

Lil Barry looks to each member of his family (although this is only a small fraction of the whole) from his seat, little hands clenched with thought. "Grill cheese! With bacon!"

"I can't work with this child!" Taako says with hands wrung in the air.

Lup and Kravitz are in stitches.


	3. Day 3 -- Modern AU, or An Enthusiasts Podcast for the Modren Era

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Barry and Lup aren't being super cool scientists, they're podcasters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Modern AU prompt I thought it would be cool to play around with form and content. Here's a half-episode parody script of "Wonderful!" known as "Amazing!" hosted by Barry and Lup. It looked a lot better in the script editor I use, but unfortunately a lot of that wouldn't carry over. But that's ok I think.

** MUSIC: A jazzy intro tune plays **

  
LUP  
Hi I'm Lup Taaco-Bluejeans

BARRY  
Hey, I'm Barry Bluejeans-Taaco

LUP  
And this is "Amazing!"

BARRY  
And, uh, it's time for you all to uh, get in the fuckin' robot. That's right. Time to put your big people panties on--

(lup Laughs)

BARRY  
\--And save the world--

LUP  
I don't think they saved the world technically in _Evangelion_.

BARRY  
No they didn't, babe, and that's okay because it's not about the destination. It's about the journey.

LUP  
The journey to being maimed and emotionally scarred?

BARRY  
(Barry laughs)  
  
Well they can't all be winners. . .Who's goin' first today, babe?

LUP  
It's me, I think.

BARRY  
Fire away

LUP  
The first thing I wanna talk about today is the "Baby Buddies" program.

BARRY  
Oh, I hoped you would bring this.

LUP  
Barry and I do a lot of volunteer work when we can. We have our dear friend, Lucretia, to thank for that because she runs the Bureau of Benevolence non-profit.

BARRY  
Which sounds more, well, bureaucratic than it actually is.

LUP  
You know Luce, always a flare for the legitimate.

BARRY  
Ha! That's true.

LUP  
So for those that don't know, Baby Buddies is a program at the hospital where you can volunteer to hold premature babies, whether they lost their parents somehow or their families had to go back to work or take care of their other children while the new baby has to stay behind to grow healthy.

BARRY  
Sure.

LUP  
Barry and I started doing this a couple years ago. We really liked kids, but we weren't really sure if we were going to have any ourselves, or how we were going to pursue that--

BARRY  
Well we all know how that turned out.

LUP  
haha! yup.

BARRY  
(Barry gets real close to the mic and whispers)

Talkin' into the microphone at a whisper because our baby's asleep next door.

LUP  
Lower your voice please

BARRY  
(Barry chuckles)

Sorry, Babe. I remember you asking me if I wanted to do this and I was actually, I'm not going to lie, very nervous.

LUP  
Well, you're nervous about most things.

BARRY  
Yes, I am. But I mean it felt very intimate and almost invasive like "this isn't my baby what am I doing?" I felt like every time a father walked in I wanted to hand him his baby like "Oh, sorry, this, uh? is this yours, sir? I am very sorry for putting my stink hands on your baby."

LUP  
Maybe use hand sanitizer.

(Both chuckling)

So I was doing a little research to find out more about why they have these programs. I mean, it helps the babies and their families of course, but I wondered why it was so necessary, you know?

BARRY  
For sure.

LUP  
So according a study published in 2014 in the journal Biological Psychiatry showed that "babies -specifically preemie babies in the NICU- cuddled from birth had better sleep habits and were more attentive than those who weren't cuddled."  
  
It's not that I didn't know these things. Like of course, I know about Kangaroo Care from when we were training for the work and from when Lil Barry was born, but it was more of something they just showed us to do without explaining a lot of the benefits.

BARRY  
Which, can we talk about that for a second? The Kangaroo care?

LUP  
Oh definitely.

BARRY  
Because I loved it.

LUP  
You also loved holding the babies in the NICU.

BARRY  
I did, I really did. I-I really like babies and I think they really like me for some reason?

LUP  
It's because you're so awkward and childlike yourself, Babe.

BARRY  
Oh yeah. They definitely look at me like "Hey, you're just a large baby with gray hair you shouldn't be left in charge of me!"  
  
But the Kangaroo care, which is when you're skin-to-skin with the baby, when we had Lil Barry was just really great. Lup, you know, didn't carry our child herself, so that cuddling was really good for her and Lil Barry to bond. It was kind of amazing to watch you two.

LUP  
Barry started doing it too. I think it was good to take what we'd learn from the Baby Buddies to apply it to when our son was born. It felt sort of like cohesive? Even Taako and Magnus would do it if they were watching him while we were away--

BARRY  
That was really great having that system where everyone around us was super supportive? And wanted to help us be consistent.

LUP  
(Lup sighs)

Yeah. So we owe a lot to Baby Buddies for sort of helping us understand how to bond with our baby. I think there's a lot of misconception of like "if you're not literally birthing this baby" you can't connect to it the same?

BARRY  
Definitely. Definitely.

LUP  
And the Baby Buddies sort of showed me and quelled a little bit of that apprehension I think we both had.

BARRY  
Babe, I love you so much.

LUP  
Aw, I love you too. So what do you wanna talk about?

BARRY  
WELL, now I just feel foolish.

LUP  
Why's that? This is 'Amazing!' you can talk about whatever you want.

BARRY  
Yours was just so deep and sweet, though.

LUP  
We can't all be me.

BARRY  
We certainly can't. My amazing thing today is rodeo.

LUP  
I wondered when you'd bring this up!

BARRY  
I love rodeo. And I don't mean just going to one, though, I do, uh, love the shit outta that.

LUP  
Turkey legs.

BARRY  
Mmm yeah.

LUP  
Funnel cakes.

BARRY  
Oh stop it, Babe, you know I'm horny for it.

LUP  
Barry! Your mother listens to this. Hi, Marlena!

BARRY  
I guess a lot of people probably don't know that I used to do rodeo when I was a younger man.

LUP  
You did the LGBT rodeos didn't you?

BARRY  
Yeah, I did. And those were sort of, more kitschy fun, and I loved them. But I also did pro rodeo.

LUP  
What about pro-gay-rodeo?

BARRY  
I think, you, uh, have an idea there, babe!

LUP  
TM! TM! TM!

BARRY  
Yeah, that's ours!

LUP  
What was your favorite event to do?

BARRY  
My favorite event was roping. I was heeler so that meant my partner would head the cow and rope the horns first and then I would bring up the rear and catch its feet, which is an extremely fucking difficult task.

LUP  
I can imagine. How do you even rope the feet from a horse?

BARRY  
You aim for the ground underneath. It takes a lot of practice and cow sense. Y'know, anticipating where the cow is gonna go.

LUP  
Did you ever ride bulls?

BARRY  
Oh, no. No roughstock for me. I tried it one time and I never did it again.

(Barry laughs)

You have to be kind of young and dumb to do that.

LUP  
And Barry Bluejeans is no fool.

BARRY  
Ya not gonna pull one over on ol' Barry Blue you dumb cow! I know your tricks, your wiles! ya not gettin' this boy. Not today.

LUP  
What do you like about participating?

BARRY  
Well, my mom was a barrel racer when she was a young girl. She kinda had me young, and from the time I could she had me on a horse.

LUP  
So it's very nostalgic for you.

BARRY  
Yeah. I remember being a kid and cheering for her and stomping my feet in the stands. When she brought a good check home we'd go to the corner store and get ice cream to celebrate.  
  
And I guess. . .I guess the adrenaline too. You're out back in the catch, warmin' up and you hear the crowd going wild. And your horse gets a little antsy from the noise. But if you breathe, he'll breathe you know? You're both working off each other and your bond. I think that comes with any good horseman. Sometimes I think any ol' guy can get up and cowboy a horse, but there's no substitute for being a horseman.

LUP  
I never really thought of it that way. You're saying there's a difference between rodeoing and horsemanship.

BARRY  
Oh definitely. They don't have to be mutually exclusive, but I think a lot of people, and I'm not trying to make an assumption about everyone who rodeos, this is just what I've observed around me--

LUP  
Of course.

BARRY  
Some people just get up there and run and run and run their horse and never spend the time to be partners with them and understand what the animal needs. That's why you get a lot of nutty rodeo horses that all they know how to do is RUN.

LUP  
Huh.

BARRY  
Wanna know some history of rodeo?

LUP  
Oh lay it on me, Big Boy.

BARRY  
Rodeo, as you can imagine, is born in the American West and we actually owe a lot of what rodeo is to the Mexican vaqueros that were there before us.

LUP  
Whoa!

BARRY  
Y-yeah! Rodeo has a very rich, diverse history that I think has gotten very whitewashed over time unfortunately. But the vaqueros, especially in southwest Texas, were developing these skills of roping, branding, herding and stuff to keep their cattle together. And there became this demand for beef.

LUP  
And this is like the 1800s?

BARRY  
Yeah. However, in the late 1800s, the open range started to get fenced, so the jobs for open range cowboys were dwindling. So the cowboys started forming events to challenge each other at. And with their jobs being seasonal a lot of them joined wild west shows. Your Buffalo Bill and all that.  
  
"Two of the earliest rodeos on record were held in Pecos, Texas, in 1883, the first to give prizes, and in Prescott, Arizona, in 1888, the first to charge admission."

LUP  
Well, yeehaw!

BARRY  
A lot of the problems with early rodeo was that it was viewed as a show, so the public wasn't taking it seriously as a legitimate sport and business.

LUP  
Is rodeo a business?

BARRY  
If you're a world champion it is. You can make a lot of money and win a lot of expensive prizes like horse trailers and stuff. I mean, it's a little more complicated than that of course. But if you know how to do it, it can be a career or business. It's hard as shit to do though.  
  
"In 1929 the Rodeo Association of America was organized by several rodeo committees . . . to standardize rules, establish a point system to determine world champions, monitor judges, and establish a fair practice in advertising and awarding prize money. . .Toots Mansfield--"

(Barry starts laughing hysterically)

LUP  
(chuckling)

You really like that.

BARRY  
Oh Babe. Look at his picture.

LUP  
He looks like a Toots.

BARRY  
(Still laughing)

LUP  
Are you going to be able to continue?

BARRY  
(Wheezing laughter)

LUP  
Okay.

BARRY  
I-I'm crying.

LUP  
You sure are. Barry is literally biting his hand to keep from laughing too loud.

BARRY  
(abruptly stops laughing)

Did you hear that? Shit.

LUP  
Oh, yeah. Sounds like Lil Barry is up early.

BARRY  
Fuck. I'm sorry, Babe. I guess it's a short one this week.

LUP  
You have no one to blame but yourself. Maybe you can give us some history on gay rodeo next time!

BARRY  
Ooh. That'd be good. So uh, thanks to Full Enjoyment for hosting our show and check out some of the other stuff on the network-- I'm gonna go get him.

(Barry leaves)

LUP  
Mmhm. So check out some of the other shows like "Carey, Killian Start!" or there's "My Brother, My Sister and Me" that we do with my brother Taako. Maybe "Schmetiquette" with Dav and Lucretia. And thanks to fo en and Septembus for the use of their song "Dollars Don't Compensate." Bye everyone!

BARRY  
(Shouting over the fussing of a baby)

Bye everybody!

**MUSIC: A jazzy outro plays**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sources used for information:
> 
> https://www.fitpregnancy.com/baby/health-development/hospitals-need-baby-cuddler-volunteers-nicu  
> https://tshaonline.org/handbook/online/articles/llr01


End file.
